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I have been close companions with a woman, a person who's overcome numerous obstacles, which I admire. Yet, she's often taken by surprise by others. Her spouse ended their marriage, and it was a massive blow. Many of her social circle vanished at that point, because they seemed only interested in the spouse. She was stunned by her. She made more effort toward our bond, and must have understood more clearly the essence of true friendship.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

Throughout this period, quite a few close to her vanished without her being certain of the reason. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she had been an excellent employee, she departed not understanding the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, we've both retired so we're spending time together, but I am finding my role between us is as the audience. I start subjects only for her to redirect them to what interests her. Politically, she has firm beliefs. I attempt to propose factchecking and alternate views.

She's been planning a holiday to a nation I know well many times and resided in previously. My intention was to offer advice, however, my input met with resistance. She really solely sought me to confirm her choices. I have returned from four weeks there she is eager to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling to be a friend that walks away without explanation, but I don't think she will ever comprehend the consequences of how she acts on my self-esteem. At this point, my state is avoidance mode. What should I do?

Ways Forward

One option is to cut and run, yet this is not often the easy answer we hope for. Yet having a direct talk with a view to resolution takes courage and willingness on both your parts.

Experts suggest trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one is to state what typically happens during your discussions. Aim for this to be objective and clear like what a recording device would replay. Step two is to tell the way it leaves you feeling. This allows for no disagreement about this. Your feelings are valid, naturally. Step three involves requesting how you are both will alter the pattern of your friendship."

Consider she too holds perspectives, so you need to remain ready to acknowledge it. An approach that works involves stating her:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to remain silent for a set time."

This can be successful for promoting better communication.

Closing Considerations

She might reject your concerns, since certain individuals cling to a “survival narrative”: they maintain a narrative of their life they won't abandon because their very survival depends upon it and it's all they've known. This poses a challenge when there seems no easy route with these people, just dead ends. Yet she could initially present like this and then think about what you've said. If you never reach a resolution, it will give you satisfaction that you've been truthful.